i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Randomize
