True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
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