I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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