ugly people sure do ruin things
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
PANTIES FOUND
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