I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
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