You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
