I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
Randomize
