i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
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