just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
Randomize