Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
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