i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
Randomize
