im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
She's just so happy...and so naked.
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
Randomize
