it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
She made me pour olive oil on her.
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
Randomize
