There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Randomize
