Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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