her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Randomize
