ya dads aren't the best wingmen
i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Randomize
