that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
Randomize
