I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
Randomize
