I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
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