A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
Randomize
