In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
