we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
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