Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
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