I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Randomize
