PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
Randomize
