I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Randomize
