I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
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