turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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