We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
Randomize
