her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
