One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
