we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
I just had sex on a roof
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
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