woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
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