don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
Randomize
