you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
