This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
Randomize
