No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
