Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
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