he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
