haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
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