My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
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