office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
Randomize
