ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
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