Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
Randomize
