"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
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