he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
Randomize
