so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
He's on the porch naked. Help.
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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