So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize