Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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