I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
well, you know. whores of a feather.
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
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