i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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