everyone is single if you try hard enough
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
Randomize
