my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Someone signed my nipple.
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
Randomize
