Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
Randomize
