you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
