Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
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