how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
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