So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
You ruined the universe
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Randomize
