Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
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