at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
Randomize
