u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
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