Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
Bring me that man meat
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
Randomize
