the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
my shit smells like andre
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
We left the knife in your bed.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Randomize
