I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
Randomize
