EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
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