remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
accomplished twins. life is a go
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
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