Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
I fill condoms, not promises.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
Randomize