I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
Randomize
