the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
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