remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
Randomize
